Lessons to Learn from a Children's book

I walked down to my college bookstore to buy one of the "required reading" texts for my Children's Literature class. Only $7.00, this was probably the cheapest book I have ever bought for a class. Big words, not the most earth-shattering content. A colorful cover with a little "medal" on the front, to assure the reader that THIS was a good book.

I proceeded to pull out my wallet and make small talk with the cashier. I see that you have to read children's books, she said. I smiled back at her and told her yes, a handful of them. She seemed to think this was odd, that this was some sort of trial. She had an almost sympathetic look on her face as she rung me up.

I settled into bed one night and grabbed my "homework". It took a few hours to read through this chapter book, The Great Gilly Hopkins.



If you never had the chance to read it as a child, the main character is a child in the foster care system. She idolizes an absent mother and shuns anyone who tries to get close to her. A bright child and a manipulator, she is used to leaving a trail of frustrated tears where ever she is placed, and this satisfies her. It keeps her safe, as if she lets no one in, she cannot be hurt.

The foster home she is placed in during the story is perhaps the most loving, accepting home she had ever been in. Maime Trotter, her caretaker, shows Gilly all of her good qualities without giving attention to the bad ones, which effectively shows Gilly that she cannot push this person away, that she can trust her to be a source of unconditional love. This woman and her bizarre family open Gilly's heart, and give her a safe haven for once in her short eleven years of life.

And then? She is taken away from that home, and sent to live with the grandmother she has never known. This is how the book ends. Gilly does not want to leave what she sees as a final chance at happiness, but she is forced to go, and then forced to confront the reality that her biological mother (her idol, perfect in her eyes) doesn't want her.

I was beginning to forget how much a young child really understands about life, and how similar they are to the rest of us in what they can be taught. The message hit me hard, and it's a lesson I want to share, as I think it can apply to all of us:

Happiness is not the lack of pain.

In the words of Maime Trotter,

"Sometimes in this world, things come easy, and you tend to lean back and say 'Well, happy ending. This is the way things is supposed to be.' Like life owed you good things... but you just fool yourself if you expect good things all the time."

"If life is so bad, how come you're so happy?" Gilly questions.

"Did I say bad? I said it was tough."

Happiness cannot be a lack of hardship, or surely none of us would ever be happy. In the words of the Bible, it rains on rich and poor, on all of us. But should that harden our hearts? Gilly tries that, and it only ended up hurting her in the end. It takes nearly every kind person she meets, little by little, to make her realize that even if her mother did not want her, she was still wanted. That's something we tend to forget. We are not meant to endure hardships alone, but we will if we insist on our unlikability.

These are the lessons I took from this book. A harsh reality and an enduring, kind truth.

Influence and Responsibility of the Media

I got to talking with someone online, about the way that the media portrays every day events.

The other day I read a news article about "Two Pit Bulls Loose in Neighborhood". The dogs did no damage, were actually friendly family pets who got loose. Yet the damage was done right in the title, and in that they actually took the time to publish said article. If two labs were to be loose in this neighborhood, would there have been a story? Are we being conditioned with the phrase, "pit bull" as something that is worthy of fear?

I see the same exaggeration of importance when supposed "terrorist acts" are commit against the US. Funny thing is, when the US goes out and does the same (or worse) things in another country, Americans do not consider it "terrorism". The concept of terrorism as we define it today is fairly new, as off the 1960s and 70s. The smallest instances which we now consider terrorism as would not have been seen as a "big deal" at a different time.

I worry about the things that I am made to fear. I am not sure if some of what I fear is warranted, or if I have just been conditioned by what I have seen and heard. I personally believe the media holds a strong responsibility as to how what it pumps out affects other people.

What effects, if any, do you think the media has had on what we as a society fear?

Maintaining Eye Contact With People

Although it is not a bad thing to be shy, maybe you want to change the negative consequences of your shyness. I know that my shy nature can make me seem uninterested in other people, and so I wanted to explore the qualities of a shy person that may be misconstrued as "cold" or "distant"- let's take the inability to look someone in the eye.

It can be such an intimate, vulnerable gesture. People say that the eyes are the windows to the soul- they sure do FEEL like it, and some of us, we just don't feel comfortable with what someone might see when they look into ours. Here's the problem with letting that fear keep us from maintaining a healthy amount of eye contact: Think about the last time you were with someone who did not look you in the eye a lot, or maybe about a stranger who was staring at you a little too much. How did they come across to you? Did you feel more or less comfortable around them?

I will tell you a few things that have helped me to increase my eye contact with other people, and then to keep a healthy balance of look/look away. This will involve testing your limits, but take a tiny shuffle at a time out of your comfort zone. No one is going to throw you to the dogs, as the pace you keep is dictated by you and you only. The more you practice keeping eye contact, the easier it will become.

- Take a few deep breaths before social interactions. If possible, get your mind on something engaging or calming beforehand. Have a soothing image that you can flip to in your mind as a default, if you find that you have negative thoughts circulating through your head.

- Think and reflect on Why you are afraid of meeting their eyes, exploring the source of your fear. Then think this: "Is my fear realistic?" or "Would I think someone else were silly if they told me they were thinking this?". For example, "I am scared of what they might see when they look at me." Realize that you are no horrible, ghastly monster! People will not be able to read your every thought or scrutinize your every action. What you think of yourself can often give you insight into why you behave the way you do around others.

- Realize that we ourselves do not think about and judge people as harshly as we think they judge us! People are normally more concerned with themselves and their own thoughts than any minuscule flaws in the person they are with. We only see our "flaws" so clearly because we have a front row seat to viewing and feeling them.

- When you are with another person, notice how long this other person is keeping your gaze. We do not Just look into the eyes of a person whom we are talking to, we look around. We pick lint off of our jacket. We look for another subject for the conversation, like the clouds or a house we are passing by. You will find that the amount of eye contact you keep with another person depends on the situation you are in and your relationship with them. Eye contact will also vary in different cultures- sometimes it is seen as more or less respectful to keep someone's gaze. Keeping eye contact for too long to a stranger or to a superior may come off as cocky, invasive and uninviting. Don't look someone in the eye at all, and you seem uninvested in your time with them. Find a healthy medium to your soul-staring.

- Gradually increase/adjust the amount of eye contact you have with other people.

You may be frustrated if you do not see immediate improvement in your abilities. Do not despair, this is a social habit that takes some time to form. You can repeat these actions again and again, and you will find that they will become more automatic. Our bodies get used to how we think and act, and puts our "normal" behaviors on auto-pilot.

If you know someone who has a difficult time maintaining eye contact with you, do not always assume that they do not want to connect with you. You may want to change your body language, tone of voice and intensity to fit with what will make them comfortable or more trusting of you. A small joke or teasing may also lighten the mood.
If you have any questions or comments, feel free to drop em here.

-iNTune

"Be Not Afraid"

(Isaiah 41:10)

Back at my old Catholic church, we were taught to fear our Maker. Fear of God was healthy, we were told. We were not told what was meant by "fear", and I used to imagine all of humanity cowering and shaking beneath the glory of God when the world ended. This image was incongruent with my understanding of a personal, loving God through Jesus. I didn't question it, I just accepted it as something I was not perhaps meant to understand. Now I'm at a point in my life where I find it healthy to question and dissect, so when my pastor began a sermon about "fear of the Lord", I listened in eagerly.

He explained it like this- do not think that the Bible was originally written in English. Scholars believe that Jesus would have spoken in Aramaic. The written language would have been Hebrew, and from there the Bible was translated into other languages, and then re-translated again and again. If we go back to Hebrew and translate the word we printed as "fear", a better translation could have been "awe", "reverence" or "respect".

How would this affect our understanding of the Word of God? Let's take Psalm 112:1 and find out.
"Praise the LORD. Blessed is the man who fears the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands."

Sounds very odd, to find delight in doing things for someone you fear. Now let's change the word "fear", and see how different the affect is:
"Praise the LORD. Blessed is the man who respects the LORD, who finds great delight in his commands."

 A very different picture entered my mind's eye as the pastor spoke of this: end of the world again, with people bowed down and weeping with joy, overwhelmed at the sight of God.

A little side-story: There was a woman who oversaw my Catechism classes, who was not too friendly with us kids. She used to go one by one and make sure none of us were slouching in our pews, and heaven forbid any of us talked during mass. She would also tell us that if we received the host and chewed it, we were chewing Jesus. Yikes! She told us to let it disintegrate a bit and then to swallow it whole. This led to me being very confused when, in a Protestant church, I was presented with an actual piece of bread for communion.

"Do I... do I chew it? Is it food here?"

Be Kind Anyway

Both of my cats are getting on in years now. One is 13 (Mario) and the other is 16 (Toby). They have been best friends almost their entire lives. 

Mario

Toby

They are slowing down but getting more affectionate towards people…

NOT towards one another- Mario will sometimes hiss at Toby. In response, Toby will wait patiently for when Mario is in the mood to be nice, and then he will cuddle with him. Toby Always accepts a cuddle from Mario, no matter how cranky Mario has been acting.

Mario is asleep right now. He was hissing at Toby last night, but... Toby just walked quietly up to him and licked his head affectionately, then walked back to his spot.

Your Ministry

“Open my eyes and help me see: there’s a world outside of me.”

—

-Hawk Nelson, “Shaken” My pastor told us a story about an older woman, who was stiff and arthritic. She went to church every Sunday, and someone once asked her, “Why do you keep coming here if it’s hard for you to just get up the steps?”. And she told this man, “If I stop doing these things and just stay at home all day, I’m afraid I’ll die”. She would go to every service that the church would offer. One day the pastor told everyone that they have a gift to give to others,  that they just have to find out what their own personal ministry is. The old woman asked the pastor, “What is my gift?”, and he was stumped. So he told her, “I honestly don’t know, but I will pray on it and let you know what comes to mind in a week”. After a week of meditative prayer, the pastor was still coming up with nothing. Thankfully, the old woman came in the very next Sunday and told him, “Pastor, I’ve found my gift!”. He told her, “That’s wonderful! May I ask what it is?”. “I call people in my community who I know are shut-ins. I talk to each one of them over the phone, and then call them back the next day. But I only talk to them for 5 minutes a day.” The pastor was curious. “Why only 5 minutes?” She smiled up at him and replied, “Because after five minutes, I’m tempted to talk to them about my own problems. I don’t want to do that. I’m calling so that THEY can talk to someone.” _________________________________ “Lord use me, take me where you want me to go”, sings the chorus of "Shaken". Too often we are absorbed in our own problems, and we forget that there’s a whole world full of people out there. We all have a ministry to share with the world- we just have to figure out what that ministry is. When we all chip in with our own talents to make this world a more loving place, we bring ourselves closer to one another and to the One who made us so beautifully and wonderfully.

Judgement Day

I once read that death is the one thing promised in this life. We all will die- but no one knows what EXACTLY goes on when the soul leaves the body- maybe we can't ever know, or can't comprehend it yet. We also do not know how long we have left to live. Life is unpredictable, whimsical and mysterious. Hey, I could be killed in a freak accident tomorrow that involves a beaver, a large pepperoni pizza and a unicycle. You don't know, I don't know. As twitchy as the human mind is about dying and death, that may be for the best.

Twitchy, itchy brain... my thoughts wandered to the Afterlife at church this morning, and then roamed into The End, the Judgement Day. Both the Judgement and Death are considered an end (or just the beginning, based on your perspective). What if they are closer related than we dare to think?

Say when you are in the process of dying, you go through your own personal judgement day. The living can't see it happen. It's real to you and maybe it's real in the dimension your soul is tip-toeing towards. In that state of being, you see everyone else being judged for their sins as you are. And then, the elevator goes up or down, one more crowded than the other. What I'm saying is what if we die and there is no big wait to be sent to the afterlife?

I had been watching documented cases of near-death experiences on Youtube a month back. A lot of people that were interviewed reported that they were brought into a different state of being, and were shown (presumably by God) how every one of their actions affected other people. They were shown these things not to be made to feel guilty, but to understand.

If you have ever been around someone who is dying, they're not always mentally stable near the end of their lives. They sometimes mumble about memories and their past experiences, sometimes talking to anyone in the room as if they are there with them. Could that be their own personal "judgement" in progress?

It may follow that dementia is an extended state of Judgment. Too far a leap? Let me know what you're thinking!