"Stop being poor"

When we try to understand someone with different roots from our own, there is cultural dissonance. We cannot always imagine "what it's like" to live as the opposite sex, in another country, working another job, in another financial situation- the list goes on.

Expose yourself to as many different peoples as you can. Do not limit your travels economically or socially, and do not forget to talk to people. Here the emotion in their voice. Live their lives with them.

The one that I want to talk about today, something I have admittedly always been afraid of, growing up in a lower middle class family. Being poor.

Until you have had to choose which payment is going to be marked late because you can't pay two bills at once, you do not know what it is like to be poor. You may not have a car. You may have no job experience. Maybe you had an accident that has left you disabled. Many you were abandoned by your family, kicked out when you were 18 years old, without any guidance as to how to make it in the real world.

I had the pleasure of working with a small group of gentlemen who had suffered traumatic brain injuries. Most of them cannot move around as well as they used to be able to. They cannot work the same jobs. Others can stand, walk, eat just fine but when you talk to them, they sound drunk or mentally disabled. Make no mistake, these people are capable of accomplishing great things, and it is possible to heal from a brain injury. It is possible to get back to a semi-normal, productive life. Unfortunately that is not an option for many of these men.

Memory impairments keep them from working most sustainable jobs. Social functioning impairments isolate them from family and make it harder to gain lasting social connections. I remember my surprise at learning that, in the town where I was working with these folks through a rehabilitation program, about 80% of the poor population had suffered some sort of head injury and could no longer sustain a job for that reason.

Points to consider:

1.) We are social beings. You are where you are only because of the love, support and cooperation of your friends and family, plus all of your social connections. If you cannot connect socially, you are going to have a harder time finding a job.

2.) Lower paying, starter-jobs often involve strenuous physical labor. One who has sustained a permanent bodily injury will not be able to work these jobs. The young have a better chance at being able to handle the physical strain, while the old cannot do so.

3.) Your mental competence allows you to successfully navigate your social environment, pay your bills and take care of all of your basic necessities.

4.)  There is a strong mental and physical battle against addictive substances. Quitting is not like throwing out a sweater you no longer need, but needing to remove a sweater that is interwoven into your deepest layer of skin, while any support system you may have had could be stitching it back on at the same time (enablers, fellow users) or lashing out at you for every failed stitch that sends you back into dependence.

Learn to think outside of your own experiences. Wealth, competence, independence is not always self-made, nor can it conceivably be so.

Hide and Seek With No Point Whatsoever

Have you ever hidden how you truly feel, because you feel that you won't be accepted for who you are or what you think? Did you ever feel out of place and alone in a crowd of friends? Have you ever done something that doesn't seem like "you", and yet you continue to betray yourself by doing it?

Picture this. You meet other people like you, because you act like who you really are and so do they. You go where you want to, not where you feel forced to go due to social convention. You do the things that make you proud, make you the best person you can be.

Why do we betray ourselves, leading such secret and unhappy lives? To "fit in"? To impress people whose opinions we don't even care about? What's the point?

All of us walk around pretending that nothing effects us, and that's more deception. We are invincible, nothing matters. We move on because we have to, because all we know how to do is choke down our sorrows and pretend that will make things better. That won't scare people away, we think (those people who are just as scared and alone as we are, on the inside). Then we step onto the mine field of our lives and pray that we don't make one bad move that will blow it all to pieces. That's not "living", that's just surviving. Barely.

Don't you want to live your life, instead of this perfect hologram you've projected? Wouldn't it feel good to breath and be real?

Why aren't Christians better people?

"The church's budget overflows, yet poverty persists... how can the heart of Jesus and the prideful coexist!?"
-SONS

The band SONS (formally Sons of God) address the issues that the general public asks of churches everywhere, in their first full-length album. The indie rock style and spiritually-based lyrics make for a promising start to their musical career- but this is not a cd review. This is a criticism, exploring hypocrisy and hate spread by some Christians.

Although I am about to quote Scripture in this post, please note that it is NOT my intention to take any passages from the Bible out of context. I do not believe that the Word of God should be used to do anything but to build people up- that is, to love our fellow man and God. Many times you may see someone quote a Bible verse out of context that they want to use for their own selfish gain, hatefulness or pride. Why do people do this, when others argue that Christ's message was love? How did we stray so far from love and serving others unselfishly? 

When we read the Bible, it is important to take into account who is speaking, who they are speaking to, what they are speaking about, and if the law they are speaking of is a reflection of the times versus a commandment of God. I know many of us do not take these things into account every time we read a verse, myself included. We get excited and parrot out a scripture verse in an argument, or we get frustrated and wonder, "How does this verse even fit in with the rest of the Bible?". 

I will provide a a few examples of how critical thinking and exploration can help us here.

Some people wonder why, in the gospel stories, when Jesus was on the cross, he asked, "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?". It may lead one to wonder, "Was this man doubting God- was he doubting his own divinity?". I have wondered this myself before. After all, if I am to accept that Jesus experienced life as a human being, could I reason that even him, God in the flesh, could doubt like we do?  What I failed to realize for many years (and what the Catholic church I grew up in never addressed) is that Christ was citing a Psalm throughout his own crucifixion, thus fulfilling the scripture. Psalm 22 is a cry out to God, out of anguish for one's struggles.

"My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

    Why are you so far from saving me,
    so far from my cries of anguish?
² My God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
    by night, but I find no rest.^[b]

³ Yet you are enthroned as the Holy One;
    you are the one Israel praises.^[c]
4 In you our ancestors put their trust;
    they trusted and you delivered them.
⁵ To you they cried out and were saved;
    in you they trusted and were not put to shame.

⁶ But I am a worm and not a man,
    scorned by everyone, despised by the people.
⁷ All who see me mock me;
    they hurl insults, shaking their heads.
⁸ “He trusts in the Lord,” they say,
    “let the Lord rescue him.
Let him deliver him,
    since he delights in him.”

⁹ Yet you brought me out of the womb;
    you made me trust in you, even at my mother’s breast.
¹⁰ From birth I was cast on you;
    from my mother’s womb you have been my God.

¹¹ Do not be far from me,
    for trouble is near
    and there is no one to help.

¹² Many bulls surround me;
    strong bulls of Bashan encircle me.
¹³ Roaring lions that tear their prey
    open their mouths wide against me.
¹⁴ I am poured out like water,
    and all my bones are out of joint.
My heart has turned to wax;
    it has melted within me.
¹⁵ My mouth^[d] is dried up like a potsherd,
    and my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth;
    you lay me in the dust of death.

¹⁶ Dogs surround me,
    a pack of villains encircles me;
    they pierce^[e] my hands and my feet.
¹⁷ All my bones are on display;
    people stare and gloat over me.
¹⁸ They divide my clothes among them
    and cast lots for my garment.

¹⁹ But you, Lord, do not be far from me.
    You are my strength; come quickly to help me.
²⁰ Deliver me from the sword,
    my precious life from the power of the dogs.
²¹ Rescue me from the mouth of the lions;
    save me from the horns of the wild oxen.

²² I will declare your name to my people;

    in the assembly I will praise you.

²³ You who fear the Lord, praise him!

    All you descendants of Jacob, honor him!

    Revere him, all you descendants of Israel!

²⁴ For he has not despised or scorned

    the suffering of the afflicted one;

he has not hidden his face from him

    but has listened to his cry for help...
(NIV)

It is beautifully poetic and raw, and it is a prediction of what was to come for Christ.

Here is a question a lot of people may ask themselves when leafing through their Bibles, that the above passage may lead us to wonder- "Why am I repeatedly told to fear God? Doesn't this go against the image of a loving God, brought in the New Testament by Jesus?" And also, don't many passages say, "Do not be afraid" ; doesn't that go against all of these, "fear God"s?

It depends which translation you are using. Fear is how many people of high religious authority (kings, bishops, priests) kept citizens in line. During times of fire and brimstone, "fearing the Lord" was taught to be the right way to have a relationship with God, and so this is how the Bible was translated. What scholars publish in revised versions of the Word is that, if you look at the original text (as far back as we can go, Hebrew and Greek), the word "fear" could often be  more accurately replaced with "respect" or "reverence". It makes more sense to respect a loving, powerful God than to fear them. Why would anyone want to serve a Creator out of fear anyway?

The many translations of Biblical texts are constantly reviewed and re-evaluated (thanks to the widespread availability of the internet, many of us now have access to many of these critiques). It is in part due to translation and interpretation evaluations that one person can read the Bible and take away a message of love, while another can read it and walk away with a passionate hate burning in their hearts.    

_____________________________

If one accepts that the Bible is inspired by the Holy Spirit, it is important to realize that human beings are providing the translations for us. We are taught that God is perfect, and that man was made in the image of God, but due to sin, human beings are not perfect. Turn on the news, and you will see that we are all so far from perfect, but also look to the little mistakes we make in our own lives that keep us up at night. 

The Bible is not a book about perfect people, and it could be argued that the only view of perfection we have got is of Jesus. In fact, in many Old Testament passages, the theme is "How immoral can we get before God gives us a warning?" and soon after, "For how many generations can we ignore God's warning before God realizes we are taking advantage of God's grace, and smites us?". 

Some people conclude that this is why we cannot take every passage as literally as we do, and that if we go back to the more straight-forward messages of Christ, that is what our faith is to focus on. I think that this consideration may have merit to it, and furthermore, since Jesus often spoke allegorically, part of the Bible could be full of allegories rather than literal teachings (and I love that Christ taught using stories, as this was a nice device to get people to understand certain concepts). Personally, this drives me to explore the history of translations, and to try to get as close to the original texts as I can.  

Human beings are imperfect, and will produce their versions of a Divinely Inspired work.

____________

The next question one might want to ask is, "Why do human beings act imperfectly?". After all, if God wanted followers, couldn't He/She make everyone into obedient little soldiers, mindless slaves? Let's step back and consider the Creation story in Genesis.

It was good. Oh, it was all so good, says Genesis. Night and day were created, earth and sea were created. Man, everything was good. We forget the one thing that God saw that was "not good". In Genesis 2:18, it is written that man being alone was "not good".

Not good!? What could this mean?

Think back to the idea that parts of the Bible could be allegorical. Man was alone, so God made woman. Isn't man made, "in the image of God", and if so, could this imply that it was not good that God was alone? Like man, God needed something, to bring Him/Herself back to "good". We all know, being alone is not a good feeling. This is why we must live our lives with the help and companionship of others.

Thus man and woman were there to live in paradise and keep God company. 

_______

So, why did God make Adam and Eve able to screw things up by feeding from the tree of knowledge? 

Some Christian sects will argue against this, but it is my belief that we are all born with free will. We have to choose right and wrong, and why is that? Why aren't we just automatically obedient to God's law, therefore being happy as clams, never having the chance to take The Fall?

What would you say if when we entered new relationships with other people, we were forced to love them? You might say, "You can't force love, because then it isn't love". Love is a choice or it is nothing at all. To have a relationship, you have to choose it. I think that if God wanted to create obedient little robots, they would not be able to love, because they would not be able to have chosen love in the first place.

Our relationships with others may reflect a truth about our relationship with God- it is a choice, or it is not Love. You cannot be forced to love God or others (on this earth, under our human logic), because that is no longer love. Thus I see free will as the natural side effect of Love, since we were brought into being by a loving God. We chose to take the fall, and we became sinful.

Keep in mind that my reasoning for why we are able to be sinful is my own conclusion, shaped by discussion with others but also liable to fault. I do not expect my answers to be the right ones, only the answers to questions as I understand them at this point in my spiritual life. 

Christians, and all humans, are sinful- we mess up, we are imperfect, or whatever you would like to call it.

_____________

Because human beings were created in the image of a Creator, we create (Look to architecture and art, literature, gardening and all of the other creations we celebrate). Because we are imperfect, we do not always create good things, and so we join one another in our triumphs as well as our imperfections.

Each of us struggles with something different, and there are a wide variety of theories as to what shapes a man or woman into what they are, and consequentially what strengths they have, and what mistakes they may be more likely to make. While one pair of lips could breath the venom of a compulsive liar, another pair could be glued to a bagged bottle. We all sin differently.

If you look back into your life, you are not perfect. You have been a hypocrite, telling another person how to be better when you can't even help yourself. You have had to have others, who may see light where you do not yet see it, guide you back to a more peaceful existence. Yet we are outraged when we see that others show signs of imperfection, and we judge them with our own biased scales. Maybe that is because we hope to find the perfection we do not own in something or someone else. As Descartes suggests, we have this idea of what is Perfect, while we ourselves are not perfect.
We hang out with those whose imperfections are more or less more compatible with our own.

I am not suggesting to call people out on their imperfections, but I do want to say that, although it is lovely when we surround ourselves with those who make an effort to be good people, do not expect perfection out of anything made by an imperfect bunch of humans. Do not believe their claims of perfection. That includes all groups of people (religious or otherwise).

______ 

Because we are sinful, there are those who strive to be good and those who are purposefully wicked in every group. I do not take this to mean, "Trust no one/no group", for without trust, I don't think we can fully love anyone, though without discretion we end up foolishly harming ourselves. I am again asking you to think critically and choose wisely.

Hold dear to the message of love and serving others (in deed, not just in word!) by Christ, rather than the hate that others will try to force down your throats, and the message of hate that is so often in the limelight, that makes a more exciting news headline. We are ALL imperfect. None of us are above anyone else, and a church is not for championing saints, but is as a hospital for sinners.

To all of my fellow human beings: Thank you for bearing with me throughout this post. I know it will have errors and to some it may seem downright idiotic to think about these things. I thank you for giving it a chance anyway.

If you have any questions or comments, as always, feel free to message me privately or to leave your thoughts below. 

Let's talk about cartoons!

I heard about an episode of Spongebob that was deeply disturbing to some adult viewers.

Subliminal mature themes in cartoons are nothing new. Tom and Jerry had drunkenness, Ren and Stimpy had every crude joke imaginable, and Hey Arnold was a cornucopia of sad, realistic life lessons.

A popular one, shared often on Tumblr.com, is a clip from an episode of Rugrats. The father is making fudge for a child, late at night. His wife pops into the kitchen and asks why he is doing it. With tired eyes and in a depressing monotone he replies, "Because I've lost control of my life".

Spongebob, like any cartoon, has had its violence, drunkenness, drug references and even some sexual references. What has got people fired up is that this episode, "Are You Happy Now?", deals with depression and suicide.



My question for you: is there a problem here? Is it okay to show these adult themes to children as long as they cannot fully comprehend what is going on? And also, why do the animators choose to do this?

Lessons to Learn from a Children's book

I walked down to my college bookstore to buy one of the "required reading" texts for my Children's Literature class. Only $7.00, this was probably the cheapest book I have ever bought for a class. Big words, not the most earth-shattering content. A colorful cover with a little "medal" on the front, to assure the reader that THIS was a good book.

I proceeded to pull out my wallet and make small talk with the cashier. I see that you have to read children's books, she said. I smiled back at her and told her yes, a handful of them. She seemed to think this was odd, that this was some sort of trial. She had an almost sympathetic look on her face as she rung me up.

I settled into bed one night and grabbed my "homework". It took a few hours to read through this chapter book, The Great Gilly Hopkins.



If you never had the chance to read it as a child, the main character is a child in the foster care system. She idolizes an absent mother and shuns anyone who tries to get close to her. A bright child and a manipulator, she is used to leaving a trail of frustrated tears where ever she is placed, and this satisfies her. It keeps her safe, as if she lets no one in, she cannot be hurt.

The foster home she is placed in during the story is perhaps the most loving, accepting home she had ever been in. Maime Trotter, her caretaker, shows Gilly all of her good qualities without giving attention to the bad ones, which effectively shows Gilly that she cannot push this person away, that she can trust her to be a source of unconditional love. This woman and her bizarre family open Gilly's heart, and give her a safe haven for once in her short eleven years of life.

And then? She is taken away from that home, and sent to live with the grandmother she has never known. This is how the book ends. Gilly does not want to leave what she sees as a final chance at happiness, but she is forced to go, and then forced to confront the reality that her biological mother (her idol, perfect in her eyes) doesn't want her.

I was beginning to forget how much a young child really understands about life, and how similar they are to the rest of us in what they can be taught. The message hit me hard, and it's a lesson I want to share, as I think it can apply to all of us:

Happiness is not the lack of pain.

In the words of Maime Trotter,

"Sometimes in this world, things come easy, and you tend to lean back and say 'Well, happy ending. This is the way things is supposed to be.' Like life owed you good things... but you just fool yourself if you expect good things all the time."

"If life is so bad, how come you're so happy?" Gilly questions.

"Did I say bad? I said it was tough."

Happiness cannot be a lack of hardship, or surely none of us would ever be happy. In the words of the Bible, it rains on rich and poor, on all of us. But should that harden our hearts? Gilly tries that, and it only ended up hurting her in the end. It takes nearly every kind person she meets, little by little, to make her realize that even if her mother did not want her, she was still wanted. That's something we tend to forget. We are not meant to endure hardships alone, but we will if we insist on our unlikability.

These are the lessons I took from this book. A harsh reality and an enduring, kind truth.

Influence and Responsibility of the Media

I got to talking with someone online, about the way that the media portrays every day events.

The other day I read a news article about "Two Pit Bulls Loose in Neighborhood". The dogs did no damage, were actually friendly family pets who got loose. Yet the damage was done right in the title, and in that they actually took the time to publish said article. If two labs were to be loose in this neighborhood, would there have been a story? Are we being conditioned with the phrase, "pit bull" as something that is worthy of fear?

I see the same exaggeration of importance when supposed "terrorist acts" are commit against the US. Funny thing is, when the US goes out and does the same (or worse) things in another country, Americans do not consider it "terrorism". The concept of terrorism as we define it today is fairly new, as off the 1960s and 70s. The smallest instances which we now consider terrorism as would not have been seen as a "big deal" at a different time.

I worry about the things that I am made to fear. I am not sure if some of what I fear is warranted, or if I have just been conditioned by what I have seen and heard. I personally believe the media holds a strong responsibility as to how what it pumps out affects other people.

What effects, if any, do you think the media has had on what we as a society fear?

Maintaining Eye Contact With People

Although it is not a bad thing to be shy, maybe you want to change the negative consequences of your shyness. I know that my shy nature can make me seem uninterested in other people, and so I wanted to explore the qualities of a shy person that may be misconstrued as "cold" or "distant"- let's take the inability to look someone in the eye.

It can be such an intimate, vulnerable gesture. People say that the eyes are the windows to the soul- they sure do FEEL like it, and some of us, we just don't feel comfortable with what someone might see when they look into ours. Here's the problem with letting that fear keep us from maintaining a healthy amount of eye contact: Think about the last time you were with someone who did not look you in the eye a lot, or maybe about a stranger who was staring at you a little too much. How did they come across to you? Did you feel more or less comfortable around them?

I will tell you a few things that have helped me to increase my eye contact with other people, and then to keep a healthy balance of look/look away. This will involve testing your limits, but take a tiny shuffle at a time out of your comfort zone. No one is going to throw you to the dogs, as the pace you keep is dictated by you and you only. The more you practice keeping eye contact, the easier it will become.

- Take a few deep breaths before social interactions. If possible, get your mind on something engaging or calming beforehand. Have a soothing image that you can flip to in your mind as a default, if you find that you have negative thoughts circulating through your head.

- Think and reflect on Why you are afraid of meeting their eyes, exploring the source of your fear. Then think this: "Is my fear realistic?" or "Would I think someone else were silly if they told me they were thinking this?". For example, "I am scared of what they might see when they look at me." Realize that you are no horrible, ghastly monster! People will not be able to read your every thought or scrutinize your every action. What you think of yourself can often give you insight into why you behave the way you do around others.

- Realize that we ourselves do not think about and judge people as harshly as we think they judge us! People are normally more concerned with themselves and their own thoughts than any minuscule flaws in the person they are with. We only see our "flaws" so clearly because we have a front row seat to viewing and feeling them.

- When you are with another person, notice how long this other person is keeping your gaze. We do not Just look into the eyes of a person whom we are talking to, we look around. We pick lint off of our jacket. We look for another subject for the conversation, like the clouds or a house we are passing by. You will find that the amount of eye contact you keep with another person depends on the situation you are in and your relationship with them. Eye contact will also vary in different cultures- sometimes it is seen as more or less respectful to keep someone's gaze. Keeping eye contact for too long to a stranger or to a superior may come off as cocky, invasive and uninviting. Don't look someone in the eye at all, and you seem uninvested in your time with them. Find a healthy medium to your soul-staring.

- Gradually increase/adjust the amount of eye contact you have with other people.

You may be frustrated if you do not see immediate improvement in your abilities. Do not despair, this is a social habit that takes some time to form. You can repeat these actions again and again, and you will find that they will become more automatic. Our bodies get used to how we think and act, and puts our "normal" behaviors on auto-pilot.

If you know someone who has a difficult time maintaining eye contact with you, do not always assume that they do not want to connect with you. You may want to change your body language, tone of voice and intensity to fit with what will make them comfortable or more trusting of you. A small joke or teasing may also lighten the mood.
If you have any questions or comments, feel free to drop em here.

-iNTune