(^Pearl Jam, "Even Flow"^)
During a conversation about being home alone, I had a passing thought.
I wonder if I ever would have done that at my dad's apartment?
My dad passed away a year and a half ago. I can still remember his voice, his laugh. He had a loud laugh. And snore, he'd snore and it was as loud as a bear's growl. I can hear him affectionately teasing me, and then he would tickle me or kiss the top of my head. He was big on hugs, no matter how old I was. I guess that's part of the father-daughter relationship, you never get too old for that stuff.
He passed on his musical taste to me (rock/alt), and at the same time, encouraged my brother and I's individual explorations.
I remember one night when I was about 15 years old, I came over to his apartment with a Thrice cd. They scream a bit, mostly in their older albums. I put the cd in and as we talked and played board games. He smiled and although he didn't say that he liked it, when I asked him for feedback on the music, he... okay, I don't know how he did this, but he would comment on it, make me feel good about my musical taste and not diss the music. Even if he may have disliked the music. And he gave any music a chance, which I've learned to do now, however hesitant I am with some genres.
He was extremely encouraging of me when it came to band too. I would get nervous and try to play perfectly if he was in the audience. He tried to be at every concert, and he was, besides a few times when he was too sick. He'd stay until the end, and then search me out and, grinning from ear to ear, talk to me about it, praise me for my work. He was my biggest fan.
Thursday, April 21, 2011
Wanna be friends?
I find it so funny that it's easy to make "friends" online.
Face to face, making friends can be a bit of a process. It could take a couple of meetings or a month, maybe more. One never knows what will start that bond- I once glared at someone for cutting ahead of me in line, and BAM! Friend!
In real life though, unless you're in kindergarten or younger than that, you don't walk up to someone and say, "Hey you're cool! Wanna be friends?". That changes online. We will "friend" someone whom we have never met in person. The more impersonal the source (Facebook v.s. Tumblr) the more intense these feelings of friendship seem to be.
Face to face, making friends can be a bit of a process. It could take a couple of meetings or a month, maybe more. One never knows what will start that bond- I once glared at someone for cutting ahead of me in line, and BAM! Friend!
In real life though, unless you're in kindergarten or younger than that, you don't walk up to someone and say, "Hey you're cool! Wanna be friends?". That changes online. We will "friend" someone whom we have never met in person. The more impersonal the source (Facebook v.s. Tumblr) the more intense these feelings of friendship seem to be.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
"Can I break the spell of the typical?"
(^MuteMath, "Typical"^)
Like a lot of people my age, I want my own place or somewhere to call home, a nice job, a family one day. Pretty typical, though exciting and alluring for me. Does not really set me apart from anyone. My highest career goal is to help people. Not be known for it or even recognized, I just want to be able to help.
In a freaky way, though I am my own person, there are so many people out there; someone is thinking what I'm thinking, someone else is just as "unique". They are wondering what I am, making similar plans. Not a pleasant way of looking at it when you want to be an individual, right?
But here's the thing... no one else can be you. You own who you are, and you are unqiue, able, important. Your thoughts, feelings, emotions, your soul... It's easy to lose sight of that when we pull back and look at the world as a whole sometimes, that even if we are similar to others, even if we don't seem to stand out in some perspectives, we are still important. We matter.
-iNTune
Like a lot of people my age, I want my own place or somewhere to call home, a nice job, a family one day. Pretty typical, though exciting and alluring for me. Does not really set me apart from anyone. My highest career goal is to help people. Not be known for it or even recognized, I just want to be able to help.
In a freaky way, though I am my own person, there are so many people out there; someone is thinking what I'm thinking, someone else is just as "unique". They are wondering what I am, making similar plans. Not a pleasant way of looking at it when you want to be an individual, right?
But here's the thing... no one else can be you. You own who you are, and you are unqiue, able, important. Your thoughts, feelings, emotions, your soul... It's easy to lose sight of that when we pull back and look at the world as a whole sometimes, that even if we are similar to others, even if we don't seem to stand out in some perspectives, we are still important. We matter.
-iNTune
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Milgram was surprised at the results: a shocking truth
This type of study came from people questioning what happened with the Nazi's. How did such a large mass of people just obey one man, Hitler? How did they just fall into their roles, regardless of their own morals?
The Milgram experiment: test subjects were told that they were participating in an experiment about Learning and Punishment. They were told to play the role of the "teacher", asking questions to the "learner" that was sitting in another room.
If the learner got a question wrong, the teacher was told to flip a switch that would administer a painful shock to them. The more questions were answered wrong, the higher the voltage of the shock to the learner would be.
Now the people in the experiment were all in on the fact that the real experiment was on Obedience, to see if the "teachers" would continue to administer powerful shocks when told to do so. From another room, the actors playing the learners would holler and even admit to having chest pains, and all the scientist overlooking the teacher's progress needed to do was prompt them, and they continued to deliver very high voltage shocks to the other person.
This was the sequence of the "prompts" given by the onlooking fake scientist:
"Please continue/go on"
"The experiment requires that you continue"
"It is absolutely essential that you continue"
"You have no other choice; you must continue"
Control was a big thing. They obeyed more when control seemed to be taken from them.
The scientist was the authority figure here. About 65% of the participants listened to the scientist throughout the experiment, even if they questioned if the other person was okay. What really led one participant to continue in the video we watched in my Social Psych class was that when the man told the scientist he didn't want another man's pain to be his fault, the scientist assured him,
"It would be my fault if anything happened, it would fall on me." Not you. So the guy continued, giving over 180 volts to the imaginary victim on the other end.
What was so controversial about this experiment was that the participants had to learn that they were capable of causing pain to another person, just because they were told to do so. To know you're capable of torturing another human being just because you're told to? That's some powerful stuff. We like to believe that we aren't capable of hurting others and that our morals will prevent that. Nope, doesn't work that way. Don't know until you're in a situation how you'll act.
In another class session, we saw a video in which people were asked how much money they would have to be offered to drown a puppy. Some people said a billion dollars, some said a couple of hundred. One very scary-looking girl said 50 cents. One lady they questioned said that she could never do it for any amount of money.
Then, the guys asking people how much it would take for them to do it came back with a live puppy, and asked the people again if they could still do it, and for how much. Most people were shocked, their answers changed to No, they could never do it, not even for a million dollars.
We are bad predictors of our own motivation...
The Milgram experiment: test subjects were told that they were participating in an experiment about Learning and Punishment. They were told to play the role of the "teacher", asking questions to the "learner" that was sitting in another room.
If the learner got a question wrong, the teacher was told to flip a switch that would administer a painful shock to them. The more questions were answered wrong, the higher the voltage of the shock to the learner would be.
Now the people in the experiment were all in on the fact that the real experiment was on Obedience, to see if the "teachers" would continue to administer powerful shocks when told to do so. From another room, the actors playing the learners would holler and even admit to having chest pains, and all the scientist overlooking the teacher's progress needed to do was prompt them, and they continued to deliver very high voltage shocks to the other person.
This was the sequence of the "prompts" given by the onlooking fake scientist:
"Please continue/go on"
"The experiment requires that you continue"
"It is absolutely essential that you continue"
"You have no other choice; you must continue"
Control was a big thing. They obeyed more when control seemed to be taken from them.
The scientist was the authority figure here. About 65% of the participants listened to the scientist throughout the experiment, even if they questioned if the other person was okay. What really led one participant to continue in the video we watched in my Social Psych class was that when the man told the scientist he didn't want another man's pain to be his fault, the scientist assured him,
"It would be my fault if anything happened, it would fall on me." Not you. So the guy continued, giving over 180 volts to the imaginary victim on the other end.
What was so controversial about this experiment was that the participants had to learn that they were capable of causing pain to another person, just because they were told to do so. To know you're capable of torturing another human being just because you're told to? That's some powerful stuff. We like to believe that we aren't capable of hurting others and that our morals will prevent that. Nope, doesn't work that way. Don't know until you're in a situation how you'll act.
In another class session, we saw a video in which people were asked how much money they would have to be offered to drown a puppy. Some people said a billion dollars, some said a couple of hundred. One very scary-looking girl said 50 cents. One lady they questioned said that she could never do it for any amount of money.
Then, the guys asking people how much it would take for them to do it came back with a live puppy, and asked the people again if they could still do it, and for how much. Most people were shocked, their answers changed to No, they could never do it, not even for a million dollars.
We are bad predictors of our own motivation...
Saturday, April 9, 2011
No way I can believe this article is true!... ;)
PsyBlog wrote an article about how little trust we put in other people.
Here it is: http://www.spring.org.uk/2010/04/the-trust-gap-why-people-are-so-cynical.php
"When thinking about strangers, studies have shown that people think others are more selfishly motivated than they really are and that others are less helpful than they really are."
So we think others are more selfish than they are, and less helpful. How they measured how selfish and helpful people really are is a mystery to me.
I like having faith in other people. I've noticed that people often do not give others the benefit of a doubt. I like to give them that trust. Sometimes, yeah, people betray it. But I try not to let the anger of broken trust lead to completely severed ties. Life is too short to stay mad, and to let one experience or even multiple ones show you how to judge another person, and certainly not let that be your guide for everyone!
I do understand the need to not trust others. We're looking out for ourselves, so that we don't get hurt. The article points out that maybe this is why we trust others so little. By instinct, we avoid that which may bring us pain. Makes sense.
Doesn't this limit us though? If you never try, if you let the negative consume you, you can't win. You won't. Your expectations will come true.
"Trusting others is also a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy, just as we find in interpersonal attraction. If you try trusting others you'll find they frequently repay that trust, leading you to be more trusting. On the other hand if you never trust anyone, except those nearest and dearest, then you'll end up more cynical about strangers."
-iNTune
Here it is: http://www.spring.org.uk/2010/04/the-trust-gap-why-people-are-so-cynical.php
"When thinking about strangers, studies have shown that people think others are more selfishly motivated than they really are and that others are less helpful than they really are."
So we think others are more selfish than they are, and less helpful. How they measured how selfish and helpful people really are is a mystery to me.
I like having faith in other people. I've noticed that people often do not give others the benefit of a doubt. I like to give them that trust. Sometimes, yeah, people betray it. But I try not to let the anger of broken trust lead to completely severed ties. Life is too short to stay mad, and to let one experience or even multiple ones show you how to judge another person, and certainly not let that be your guide for everyone!
I do understand the need to not trust others. We're looking out for ourselves, so that we don't get hurt. The article points out that maybe this is why we trust others so little. By instinct, we avoid that which may bring us pain. Makes sense.
Doesn't this limit us though? If you never try, if you let the negative consume you, you can't win. You won't. Your expectations will come true.
"Trusting others is also a kind of self-fulfilling prophecy, just as we find in interpersonal attraction. If you try trusting others you'll find they frequently repay that trust, leading you to be more trusting. On the other hand if you never trust anyone, except those nearest and dearest, then you'll end up more cynical about strangers."
-iNTune
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
"I'm getting into you, because you got to me in a way words can't describe"
Every time I listen to this song, Getting into You by Relient K, a pleasant shiver runs down my spine. A complete surrender to God. Love it.
Although... isn't it weird when you like a song that talks to you as if you're the opposite sex?
"When you looked at me and said, I kind of view you as a son". I mean, sing out "daughter" instead there and it ruins the flow of the song. o_o
-iNTune
Although... isn't it weird when you like a song that talks to you as if you're the opposite sex?
"When you looked at me and said, I kind of view you as a son". I mean, sing out "daughter" instead there and it ruins the flow of the song. o_o
-iNTune
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Where would you be?
If I could be anywhere right now (my "happy place"), I'd be somewhere warm, out in the middle of a grassy field where I could just lay back and gaze at all of the stars. Not thinking, unmoving. Just taking it in. Adore those clear nights when you can see every last echo of a star, burning bright from millions of miles away.
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